by Shane Sorensen
Abundance: How I Used Being a Player to Meet the Love of My Life
Have you ever seen a player and wondered what was so special about him? I mean, why are some guys able to be constantly surrounded by swarms of women that are all interested in only him?
Do players possess some sort of magical power that allows them to trap women in their spell and hold them there indefinitely until they grow tired of them- or are they just master manipulators?
And then there is the separate issue: these guys are assholes. These guys lie to women, string them along, and pretty much go against everything we were taught about what it means to be a man…right?
It is easy to look at a player and find an abundance of things to hate, but maybe there is more than meets the eye; sure, some guys lie, manipulate, and cheat, but a man doesn’t need to do any of those things to live like a player and have multiple women to choose from.
I want to tell you a story about my own life and explain how using the mindset of abundance- and following the ways of the playboy- can not only still be ethical, but it can actually land you the girl of your dreams (yes unicorns do still exist).
I was 25, newly divorced, and I had never even been to the bar or club. I wasn’t a dweeb, but since I got married at age 21 I never really got the chance to live up the nightlife scene.
I made a few commitments to my newly single myself: go out at least 2 nights per week, meet as many new women as possible, work on making myself better in every way possible, and only get into a relationship again if I meet a girl who drives me wild in all the right ways.
Pretty simple right?
Going out in the beginning was terrible: I couldn’t even talk to a girl; my friends berated me for being a pussy while I made up excuses for why I didn’t want to talk to anyone. Sure, I got a few numbers here and there, and I even had a girl or two approach me, but overall I was too scared to do much approaching.
After a few weeks though, I started going out on my own and I started to feel a lot more freedom to screw up, get rejected, and look stupid. I found that once I wasn’t worried about what my friends thought about me I started doing a lot better with women.
I started getting rejected more, but I also started getting a lot more positive results. Some nights I would get shut-down by a woman and then immediately strike up a conversation with a much better looking one.
Lesson #1 in Abundance: It doesn’t matter if one girl rejects you…there are literally MILLIONS of other women who are just as or more: attractive, funny, smart, fun, etc.
Some of these mean women have a boyfriend, or maybe they have already been hit on 1,000 times that night before you approached her: it isn’t personal, and there are plenty of other fish out there in the sea.
After a couple of months of going out – and a fair share of swiping my way through Atlanta on Tinder – I had a really good amount of numbers built up. I was going on 1 or 2 dates per week (I didn’t have much more time than that because I was getting ready for a large Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu tournament), I was texting with a lot of different girls, and I even had a couple of regulars that I was seeing.
Now, I will start off by saying that I never told any of these girls that I was just talking to them, and to be honest, none of them ever asked or seemed to care what I was doing when I wasn’t with them.
Something awesome happened from talking to so many different women at once: I didn’t care about the outcome, and I absolutely didn’t feel like it mattered if things didn’t work out. I was free to be myself, free to say what was on my mind, and free to get to know these women without any expectations.
The way I had always done things before, was that if I was talking to one woman then I wouldn’t talk to anyone else…we would go on a few dates, get to know each other a bit, and then we would decide if we wanted to be in relationship…and usually I was so attached to the outcome (because I only had one girl on my mind) that I ended up cracking under pressure and doing something needy like texting her 2000 times in one day.
Ok, maybe just 1750 times in a day…
Lesson #2 in Abundance: Talking to, dating, hooking up, or meeting multiple women frees you from the feeling that you need to make it work out with 1 girl.
When you date 1 girl, all of your focus is on her; but, when you date multiple women you can be yourself, free yourself from outcome, and focus on actually finding a girl you are compatible with (instead of settling for one girl because you are lonely).
Honestly, I had a personal breakthrough; before, I had always believed that talking to multiple women was dishonest and wrong, but not only was I actually getting to know these women better (rather than idolizing them), but I had more fun, was more confident, and felt free to follow my heart more. Rather than acting like I was someone that I wasn’t to impress women, I simply was.
At one point there was even a woman that l I was really interested in, but she found out that I had just come out for a divorce; she told me that she just wanted to be friends for a while. I told her that I “had enough friends.” and moved on! I wasn’t rude or mean about it, but the truth was I wasn’t looking for friends, I was looking for women to be with.
Eventually, after going out for a while, I ended up meeting a girl one night that I am still with exclusively today (over 1.5 years later). I met this beautiful and exotic looking girl out one night, talked to her for a few minutes, got her number, and went home to go to sleep.
We texted a little bit back and forth for a few days, set a date up and then mutually cancelled it- only to decide at the last minute to go ahead and meet up. Well, I won’t go into too much detail, but after a couple of weeks it was clear to me that this girl was different than anyone else I had met before.
From the get go, she treated me like a king; she was low maintenance, fun, spontaneous, genuine, and of course she was and still is gorgeous totally gorgeous to me. We would text a bit while she was working during the day, and then pretty much every evening we would end up together hanging out again until late into the morning.
Pretty early on she told me that she doesn’t sleep with multiple guys and she wanted to be exclusive in this area; she told me that if I was going to sleep with other women that she didn’t want to keep going with things between us. I decided to be exclusive with her and never for a single day have I regretted that decision.
I could have said no, or I could have lied to her about what I was doing, but I saw enough potential in her to cut off the other women and see what would blossom with this single woman. I already created a mindset of abundance: I knew that even if things didn’t work out I could be back out on the field in a heartbeat.
Lesson #3 in Abundance: Having multiple women helps you find the one, rather than someone.
When you have an endless supply of women to choose from, not only will you be more likely to find a really good one that you are compatible with, but you will be able to objectively choose her rather than just settling for someone.
It’s been about one and a half awesome years now, and never have I had a regret for making the choice that I did.
I can go to bed each night knowing that I got out there, I explored my options, and I chose this women out of a sea of women. I never get the desire to go out and “explore my options”, cheat, or play the field, because I already spent my time out there in the waters of the world. It is very liberating to never wonder “what if”, because you did your due time and searched the world already.
Don’t limit yourself to one woman and set her on a pedestal like a god, meet as many women as you can, taste the flavors of the world, experience the joys of new love and passion, and choose a women- not because you are alone, but because she sets your heart and world on fire with the glory of love.
I came, I saw, I conquered, and I found the love of my life; and, you can too.